Happy Birthday, Dad

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June 19 is my dad birthday. He often look forward for his birthday and will remind us like a month in advance.

He hope we will be with him
He hope we will take him to somewhere nice
He hope we will bring him something special
He hope we will buy him things that he likes
He hope we will spend time listen to him

But this year, didn’t take him to anywhere, bring him anything or even do anything for him. It hurts me badly that we just let the day went to past like this. We didn’t even sit together to mourn because we done enough for the last 3 months.

I felt miserable to realize he has done his part but I didn’t do my part
I felt sorry I didn’t spend more time with him when I am able
I felt terrible that I realize it too late.

Hurt blind my heart. I am expecting too much from him. I didn’t learn earlier we shouldn’t compare, and each family has their own set of challenges. He may do many things wrong but he is still a good father. It is his responsibility to brings me up but not his responsibility to provide the perfect family I wish to have. I couldn’t realize this earlier. It is often easier to blame it to someone else.

I am sorry, daddy… I wish I can have my current understanding and the opportunity to go back to you. To thank you for all you have done and apologies for those years my heart is harden. I will not forgets how you have encourage me in pursuing in drawing and art. I wouldn’t never be as good as who I am today if not because you have natured my confidents. I always remember days I hide in your arm during the thunder storm. We sleep with our arm wide open on the football field watching the star and fireworks at night. I am deeply thankful for the warm chicken rice and roasted pork bun your brought for my breakfast. All the countless idea and things you build and fixed for us. Lastly, thank you for those newspaper you cut and compile your us. I will treasure it and remember you every time I read through them. Thank you, dad.

I hope my prayer brings you comfort. I hope the food I bring from many places still taste as good as it should be, and you are still able to enjoy them. I hope the hugs, and touch of my hands give you affirmation. I hope the words I speak delivered my love for you. If the medication and treatment cannot heal you, I hope the Lord give you comfort. I thank God that you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. It is the best gift you gave us, at the very last days of your life. At least I know you are in a better place, and a safe hand. I believe that you can fly freely again to anywhere you want to go, doing anything you wanted to do. Be free, be happy, and be sure that we will continue the legacy you leave behind.

Good bye, daddy…till I see you again in heaven. Happy Birthday. I will miss you always.

 

 

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We are more than a conquerers

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No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Romans 8:37

This is the quote written on my chalkboard at my kitchen for this month. I need to look at it everyday to remind myself… I am more than conqueror through HIM who loved me.

I share the same quote with 3 of my close ladies yesterday. They each have very sad story to tell…

1st – A women with 3 young children but husband do not love her. They sleep in the separate room in the same house. She cry every night to sleep.

2nd – A women with husband married for almost 10 years. Husband has affair and move out. Then, husband return and ask for forgiveness yet being rejected by her family. Having “secret” relationship with her husband. No children.

3rd – A women looking for the right man but he never come.

What kind of advise would you give? Then, I remember a story…

A man won the boxing championship. He’s very happy cause not only he is the champion of the year, but he also won 1 million. In the interview, he say this proudly…

“I conquer my fear, conquer all the opponent and won the championship. “

The same night, he return home to his family, giving his wife a kiss and say…

“Darling, I won you the championship and here is the 1 million”

He is a conqueror for sure. He won the championship and 1 million. But, his wife is MORE THAN A CONQUEROR because her husband LOVE her dearly and DO IT ALL FOR HER.

So, to my dear friends who is struggling in their relationship. Do not fight with your man. It is not the matter of winning, or who give more/ less. But, if divorce is not an option, LOVE HIM FIRST, even when the situation is HARD. Trust that GOD is LOVE.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Cor 13: 4-8

Love is sacrificial to begin with. But, if women today refuse to sacrifice their pride for their family, there will not be a next generation because even child birth itself is a sacrificial act.

I believe with all my heart women are more than a conqueror. WE CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING THROUGH GOD WHO STRENGTHEN US.

With lotsa hugs and tears…DON’T GIVE UP MY FRIEND. DON’T!