June 19 is my dad birthday. He often look forward for his birthday and will remind us like a month in advance.
He hope we will be with him
He hope we will take him to somewhere nice
He hope we will bring him something special
He hope we will buy him things that he likes
He hope we will spend time listen to him
But this year, didn’t take him to anywhere, bring him anything or even do anything for him. It hurts me badly that we just let the day went to past like this. We didn’t even sit together to mourn because we done enough for the last 3 months.
I felt miserable to realize he has done his part but I didn’t do my part
I felt sorry I didn’t spend more time with him when I am able
I felt terrible that I realize it too late.
Hurt blind my heart. I am expecting too much from him. I didn’t learn earlier we shouldn’t compare, and each family has their own set of challenges. He may do many things wrong but he is still a good father. It is his responsibility to brings me up but not his responsibility to provide the perfect family I wish to have. I couldn’t realize this earlier. It is often easier to blame it to someone else.
I am sorry, daddy… I wish I can have my current understanding and the opportunity to go back to you. To thank you for all you have done and apologies for those years my heart is harden. I will not forgets how you have encourage me in pursuing in drawing and art. I wouldn’t never be as good as who I am today if not because you have natured my confidents. I always remember days I hide in your arm during the thunder storm. We sleep with our arm wide open on the football field watching the star and fireworks at night. I am deeply thankful for the warm chicken rice and roasted pork bun your brought for my breakfast. All the countless idea and things you build and fixed for us. Lastly, thank you for those newspaper you cut and compile your us. I will treasure it and remember you every time I read through them. Thank you, dad.
I hope my prayer brings you comfort. I hope the food I bring from many places still taste as good as it should be, and you are still able to enjoy them. I hope the hugs, and touch of my hands give you affirmation. I hope the words I speak delivered my love for you. If the medication and treatment cannot heal you, I hope the Lord give you comfort. I thank God that you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. It is the best gift you gave us, at the very last days of your life. At least I know you are in a better place, and a safe hand. I believe that you can fly freely again to anywhere you want to go, doing anything you wanted to do. Be free, be happy, and be sure that we will continue the legacy you leave behind.
Good bye, daddy…till I see you again in heaven. Happy Birthday. I will miss you always.
A Stream of Moonlight 